On Clint Eastwood, Pres. James Carter and not-so-nice extremism

From a Time magazine article (2/28/05):

Interviewer: There's a notion that Clint Eastwood, the Great American Icon, has somehow disappointed a significant portion of his constituency with this movie [Million Dollar Baby].

Eastwood: Well, I got a big laugh out of that. These people are always bitching about "Hollyweird," and then they start bitching about this film. Are they all so mad because The Passion of the Christ is only up for the makeup award and a couple of other minor things? Extremism is so easy. You've got your position, and that's it. It doesn't take much thought. And when you go far enough to the right you meet the same idiots coming around from the left.

I copied this part of the interview because I think it reflects the mood of the current discourse in American politics. The Conquering Right has not one good thing to say about the Defeated Left, and vice versa. To be fair, I can be just as extreme as the next neanderthal because, as Mr. Eastwood said, it is so easy. From the arguments posed by both political extremes, you might find it hard to believe that their targets were actually able to do any of the following:

1. Raise a family.
2. Be good neighbors.
3. Pay taxes.
4. Serve honorably in the military.
5. Do decent things, like saying hello to their neighbors, opening doors for strangers at a shopping mall, cleaning out their parents' attic, visiting their friends at the hospital.

For example, I get disturbed when the Right tries to belittle President James Carter. Sure, he wasn't a great leader and the problems we had during the late 70s were pretty severe. But let's be honest: we also had two other Presidents, Nixon and Ford, during the 70s and the only achievement I can remember that either one did was Nixon "opening" China. Which, I guess, was pretty big. But I dig Carter because he went back home, helped to build houses for the poor, worked with the UN to find peace and monitored elections around the world. Although I am not a Christian, I respect him because he practices decent Christian values that had helped to improve countless lives. You might disagree with his views on North Korea or the Middle East, but when was the last time Newt Gingrich or George H. Bush lifted a hammer to put up a door frame, or visited Central American slums to watch illiterate peasants cast votes for people who will probably continue to rob them blind?

In summary, Eastwood and Carter: Good for America. Gingrich and G. H. Bush: Not as good. Unless you like America supporting a Saudi Arabian family named bin Laden. Sorry. I was being a little extreme...

Oprah, please acknowledge my worth!

I am jealous of teachers and doctors because Oprah seems to like them more than social workers. For some odd reason, my profession doesn't quite garner the same shine of respect from high profile talk show celebrities. On her show, she's showered gifts to teachers, invited plastic surgeons to discuss life-altering operations, and even had fitness instructors dispense advice. But where are my kudos? Somehow, social work is the forgotten helping profession. Maybe we just have a bad image. When you think social work, you probably think of the state coming in to take away children from bad mothers. Yeah, go ahead and deny it. You know you have that image. And you probably think of social workers as being misinformed helpers of sociopaths, trying to help them get out of prison. Yeah, you saw that episode of Law & Order, too.

The fact is, I do all sorts of amazing things that would confound a cabal of neatly groomed psychoanalysts and fake doctors like Dr. Phil. Here's a list of what I did today:

1. Resolved a fight between two clients over cigarettes, bad debts, and name calling.
2. Helped two clients get PIN numbers so that they can activate their food stamps by dealing with heavily accented, English speaking sub-Indian continent operators (whew!).
3. Tried to convince a hospital social worker to put off a discharge from Friday to Monday.
4. Reminded a couple of folks to take their medications (which they did in front of me).
5. Helped a client to write out a money order so that he could pay off a hospital bill.
6. Knocked a chocolate bar off its perch from a vending machine so that a hungry client could get his Snickers bar and avoid losing 75 cents. How is it that these machines know when to catch the edge of candy wrappers just when you really need a fix and are down to your last nickels?

There you go. Though totally devoid of international conglomerate merger deals and superstar athlete contract negotiating, my job does have its small rewards.

Excelsior!

Favorite "Presidents"

Every week, I hold meetings with our residents so that they can voice their complaints and thirty-seven cents. At our last meeting, I asked them if they had thought about who their favorite Presidents were. J, a really sweet man, gave the following response: "You know, I really do. I like that Barbara Bush. And the other. Margaret Thatcher." After biting my lip and suppressing an urge to say anything sarcastic, I asked why he picked Margaret Thatcher. He said: "That's my wife, Margaret. Oh, I love her so much."

With that firm conviction exposed, he smiled broadly and everyone else looked at him with considerable interest. Hoping to avoid further revelations, I moved the meeting along. Everyday is so different while working with my folks...I really can't complain about being bored.

Welcome, Iraqifornia!

The White House has asked Congress for about $80 billion to fund the reconstruction of Iraq. With American forces committed to the area for decades to come, and considering thatCalifornia's state budget last year was about $78 billion, I propose that we welcome Iraq, or Iraqifornia, into the union. Their inclusion could actually help Americans face this new century in the following ways:

1. As a state with 25m people, Iraqifornia would be worth about 35 electoral college votes and, quite possibly, a new swing state. This means we won't have to hear about how important Ohio is anymore. With jobs bleeding out of their state, they still voted for Bush. Oh well. Besides, outside of an election year, when was the last time we needed anything from Ohio?

2. Like most southern and western states, Iraqifornia encourages their citizens to bear arms. In fact, access to better weapons and daily practice by Iraqifornians have brought a shameful light on Amercia's shortfall of quality militiamen and saboteurs.

3. With high infant mortality and low literacy rates, Iraqifornia could be considered the worst state in the union, meaning that Mississippi would no longer be the whipping boy for the other 49 states. Alas, Mississippi would still be the 50th worst state.

4. Iraqifornia's drinking water is polluted from damaged oil pipelines and the coalition's inability to protect water filtration systems from terrorists. In addition, its medical health system is near collapse from lack of resources. In light of future cuts in federal funding to the Environmental Protection Agency and health and hospital services, we Americans can turn to Iraqifornians and learn how to live as Third World citizens.

President Bush's real budget!

Don't be fooled by the President's budget proposal! This is the real one, at least as it appears on the back of the napkin that I found at Karl Rove's Bump N' Grind Party...

Remembrance of a Comic Geek's poor tastes

I stopped collecting comics years ago when I realized most of what I read bored me. The last few "sequential art" books that I bought have mainly been collected works, most notably Chynna Clugston-Major's "Blue Monday" series and Harvey Pekar's "American Splendor." So I thought I'd share a list of some of the comics that awed me when I was a wee geek...

1. Godzilla #1 - The only thing memorable about it was the cover: Godzilla on a rampage, fire coming out of his mouth, and a train in one hand. And it was only 35 cents!

2. G.I. Combat - A war comic about a Stuart tank, its crew and a guardian ghost, Confederate Calvary General J.E.B. Stuart. They would go into action against the Germans in Europe and Africa. It was the only comic where the characters were drenched in sweat in every panel. Meanwhile, his men would wonder if their commander, Stuart's descendant, was crazy for talking to a ghost that only he saw. The only thing really crazy about it, now that I think of it, was that they flew a Johnny Reb flag while in action. And one of the crew member was black!!!

3. Alpha Flight - Thinking that they were going to be the next big thing since X-Men (well, they were a spin-off), I collected nearly 50 issues before coming to my senses. My god, Alan, they're Canadian! Would I really miss Toronto or Alberta if Galactus stepped on them? No. Not at all...

4. Excalibur - Then I got into this comic, thinking that it would be the next big thing since X-Men (uh, spin-off, as well). I stopped after Alan Davis left as the artist. I guess I didn't care that much about London, either.

5. Dazzler - A story of a disco skating mutant who shot beams of light from her hands, but only when there was music in the air. Yeah, it was a terrible concept, but you see, she was in a white bodysuit with long, flowing blonde hair... anyway, my sister collected it and she read my comics so fair was fair... okay? Years later, they put her into a blue bodysuit. It just wasn't the same.

Hmmm... I guess comics back then had its share of losers. But they were also cheaper to purchase for a kid getting just a few bucks in allowance. I spent the rest on D&D modules. My life would have been so much different if I had subscribed instead to Popular Mechanics...

Super Bowl Sunday with God

(AP) - Heaven, The Universe

When Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles informed the media that God had given him the green light to play in the Super Bowl (after failing to get medical clearance from the team doctor), most of the public viewed his decision as delusional and "crack-headed." However, this reporter was able to confirm Mr. Owen's news through God Himself.

Speaking from outside his garden, God, perfectly groomed and tending to his favorite apple tree, spent a few minutes from his busy schedule with this reporter. The Archangel Michael stood by his side.

"I dug deep into Myself and said, God, T.O.'s an integral part of the Eagles' success. Is there anything I could do to help? I said, God, why not? So I found T.O. in the bathroom that morning, apologized for interrupting his business, and told him to 'go for it.' At first, he thought he was crazy. But after I created an image of my son J.C. out of the soap in his hand, he believed and praised Me and said all sorts of nice things. There was crying and wailing, pretty embarassing, actually, but it was all for My glory, so it was cool. It's too bad the soap slipped out and got stepped on. It really was a work of art..."

When The Lord was asked why He had such a personal stake on a sporting event, He replied without hesitation: "Listen, that Bill Belichick is beyond brilliant. I mean, I made him so superior to everyone else that he should have gone into cancer research or international economics. Instead, he coaches a friggin' football team. The man has got to be taken down a notch or so. I could have hit him with a personal tragedy or a freak accident, but I think the public stage will be a more appropriate forum. T.O.'s my messenger." He winked and pinched the Archangel Michael on his arm.

The Almighty was then asked to explain his absence in other disasters around the world, such as the tsunami in South East Asia, Rwanda, Yugoslavia, AIDS, terrorism and so forth. The eyebrows of the Holy Father bristled, turning the clouds dark and the sun a grapefruit red. "I work in mysterious ways, boy." He then relaxed and smiled. Birds were heard chirping. A snake slithered away. "People are always looking for a miracle. A miracle is a one in a million hoop shot that goes in. I'm the one that makes it go in. I'm the one that y'all praise when it goes in. And when there's a survivor or two, the people love Me for it."

God thanked this reporter for his time and walked behind the gate to his Heavenly Home. The Archangel Michael then gracefully, but with eyes boiling and a flaming sword, informed this reporter that the interview was over.

When this reporter went to file the interview with his editor, he found a piece of paper, tucked inside his coat pocket, written in the Hand of God. After finding a biblical scholar who could interpret Aramaic, this reporter discovered that His Holiness had shared a secret with the world: Eagles 3 1/2 Pats, 38 (Over/Under).