Super Bowl Sunday with God
(AP) - Heaven, The Universe
When Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles informed the media that God had given him the green light to play in the Super Bowl (after failing to get medical clearance from the team doctor), most of the public viewed his decision as delusional and "crack-headed." However, this reporter was able to confirm Mr. Owen's news through God Himself.
Speaking from outside his garden, God, perfectly groomed and tending to his favorite apple tree, spent a few minutes from his busy schedule with this reporter. The Archangel Michael stood by his side.
"I dug deep into Myself and said, God, T.O.'s an integral part of the Eagles' success. Is there anything I could do to help? I said, God, why not? So I found T.O. in the bathroom that morning, apologized for interrupting his business, and told him to 'go for it.' At first, he thought he was crazy. But after I created an image of my son J.C. out of the soap in his hand, he believed and praised Me and said all sorts of nice things. There was crying and wailing, pretty embarassing, actually, but it was all for My glory, so it was cool. It's too bad the soap slipped out and got stepped on. It really was a work of art..."
When The Lord was asked why He had such a personal stake on a sporting event, He replied without hesitation: "Listen, that Bill Belichick is beyond brilliant. I mean, I made him so superior to everyone else that he should have gone into cancer research or international economics. Instead, he coaches a friggin' football team. The man has got to be taken down a notch or so. I could have hit him with a personal tragedy or a freak accident, but I think the public stage will be a more appropriate forum. T.O.'s my messenger." He winked and pinched the Archangel Michael on his arm.
The Almighty was then asked to explain his absence in other disasters around the world, such as the tsunami in South East Asia, Rwanda, Yugoslavia, AIDS, terrorism and so forth. The eyebrows of the Holy Father bristled, turning the clouds dark and the sun a grapefruit red. "I work in mysterious ways, boy." He then relaxed and smiled. Birds were heard chirping. A snake slithered away. "People are always looking for a miracle. A miracle is a one in a million hoop shot that goes in. I'm the one that makes it go in. I'm the one that y'all praise when it goes in. And when there's a survivor or two, the people love Me for it."
God thanked this reporter for his time and walked behind the gate to his Heavenly Home. The Archangel Michael then gracefully, but with eyes boiling and a flaming sword, informed this reporter that the interview was over.
When this reporter went to file the interview with his editor, he found a piece of paper, tucked inside his coat pocket, written in the Hand of God. After finding a biblical scholar who could interpret Aramaic, this reporter discovered that His Holiness had shared a secret with the world: Eagles 3 1/2 Pats, 38 (Over/Under).
When Terrell Owens of the Philadelphia Eagles informed the media that God had given him the green light to play in the Super Bowl (after failing to get medical clearance from the team doctor), most of the public viewed his decision as delusional and "crack-headed." However, this reporter was able to confirm Mr. Owen's news through God Himself.
Speaking from outside his garden, God, perfectly groomed and tending to his favorite apple tree, spent a few minutes from his busy schedule with this reporter. The Archangel Michael stood by his side.
"I dug deep into Myself and said, God, T.O.'s an integral part of the Eagles' success. Is there anything I could do to help? I said, God, why not? So I found T.O. in the bathroom that morning, apologized for interrupting his business, and told him to 'go for it.' At first, he thought he was crazy. But after I created an image of my son J.C. out of the soap in his hand, he believed and praised Me and said all sorts of nice things. There was crying and wailing, pretty embarassing, actually, but it was all for My glory, so it was cool. It's too bad the soap slipped out and got stepped on. It really was a work of art..."
When The Lord was asked why He had such a personal stake on a sporting event, He replied without hesitation: "Listen, that Bill Belichick is beyond brilliant. I mean, I made him so superior to everyone else that he should have gone into cancer research or international economics. Instead, he coaches a friggin' football team. The man has got to be taken down a notch or so. I could have hit him with a personal tragedy or a freak accident, but I think the public stage will be a more appropriate forum. T.O.'s my messenger." He winked and pinched the Archangel Michael on his arm.
The Almighty was then asked to explain his absence in other disasters around the world, such as the tsunami in South East Asia, Rwanda, Yugoslavia, AIDS, terrorism and so forth. The eyebrows of the Holy Father bristled, turning the clouds dark and the sun a grapefruit red. "I work in mysterious ways, boy." He then relaxed and smiled. Birds were heard chirping. A snake slithered away. "People are always looking for a miracle. A miracle is a one in a million hoop shot that goes in. I'm the one that makes it go in. I'm the one that y'all praise when it goes in. And when there's a survivor or two, the people love Me for it."
God thanked this reporter for his time and walked behind the gate to his Heavenly Home. The Archangel Michael then gracefully, but with eyes boiling and a flaming sword, informed this reporter that the interview was over.
When this reporter went to file the interview with his editor, he found a piece of paper, tucked inside his coat pocket, written in the Hand of God. After finding a biblical scholar who could interpret Aramaic, this reporter discovered that His Holiness had shared a secret with the world: Eagles 3 1/2 Pats, 38 (Over/Under).
posted by Alan at 7:22 AM
2 Comments:
alan great pice of writing ..bravo indeed..despite the actual outcome ..it's too bad i think that means the economy's gonna tank..'nuf politics..i'be been watching your blog you are getting into a good grove...very inspiring to see...
-king vedado
Thank you for your kind remarks. I realize that some readers might conclude that I'm a "leftist." Which, given my profession, I probably am. That's okay. I believe that I might be forgiven if I can make people laugh. People on the right, like Michelle Malkin and Bill O'Reilly can behave and believe whatever they want, but their rants are so tedious and dull. Blech. On the other hand, Jon Stewart's show is the perfect filter for American politics. He deconstructs our double-speaking politicians in a light-hearted way that soothes the pain of being snookered by them.
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