Congress to cut war funding; Bush applies for HELOC loan

(AP) As Congress pushed ahead to pass a bill withdrawing funding from the war in Iraq, President Bush went ahead with Plan B and took possession of all privately owned homes in America through eminent domain. White House spokesman Tony Snow sought to downplay this unprecedented move: "Listen people, the bottom line is that right now, the war is costing us $180 billion dollars a year. The total real estate mortage is, what, $6 trillion dollars? Oh baby, we could stomp Al Queda and all those goddamn insurgents all day and night long. We'd never leave! I mean, eventually, of course..."

Subprime mortgage lenders also looked forward to the U.S. Government as its biggest, and only customer. Said one lender who wished to remain anonymous: "You'd think the government would default on a loan? I think not. Besides, the People of the United States can be assured that we can arrange a modest 6.5% on a 30 year adjustable mortgage. Add a HELOC loan with an introductory rate of 7.75% for the first six months, I think America can buy itself out of this war in a matter of months. If not, well, I guess Congress can just raise taxes to pay the exorbitant rise in interest rates next year."

Former Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, vacationing overseas, was reached for comment. Just before collapsing, he was heard to mutter: "Oh. My. God."