Government Pension Funds soon to invest in Comic Books
Over 100,000 financial planners in this country and the state of Ohio hires someone with a pitch for collecting coins?
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP, by John Seewer) -- A disastrous investment by the state in rare coins has erupted into both a financial and political scandal, with Ohio's Republicans running for cover and the Democrats seeing great opportunity. At least $10 million is feared missing from a $55 million fund that the Ohio Workers' Compensation Bureau set up in a risky and highly unorthodox foray into the buying and selling of coins. The investment was managed by coin dealer Tom Noe, a prodigious fundraiser who has showered contributions on Republicans in Ohio and beyond. In the past few weeks, a slew of Republicans, including President Bush and Gov. Bob Taft, have moved quickly to distance themselves from Noe by returning more than $100,000 in donations. The Democrats have seized on the scandal, hoping it will enable them to break the GOP's decade-long grip on Ohio state government next year and even help them retake the White House in 2008.
If this is how Republicans plan to fund retirement plans by speculating on commodities, let me suggest other less risky ventures:
1. Comics - But only Golden Age and select Silver Age, like Action Comics #1 Detective Comics #27 and Amazing Fantasy #15. Avoid any comics from the mid 1980s and on. Whole comic stores went under when they started hoarding newly minted Image comics and Superman #75, the "Death of Superman" issue. He was eventually resurrected (turns out he was just in a deep coma). Did anyone think he wouldn't?
2. Stamps - Few people have any interest anymore as far as I can tell. The hardest part of collecting them when I was a kid was trying to position the small sticky adhesives on the backs of them with just enough water. Too much and they just got soaked and pruney. If the government can get its Black Ops hands on the stamp with the plane flying upside down, we'll be able to take care of the trade deficit for the next, oh, 3 hours.
3. Off-Track Betting - If the government had only known that Giacomo, the 50-1 horse, would win the Kentucky Derby, we wouldn't be talking about cutting Social Security Benefits. We'd be talking about writing fat million dollar mansion checks to every man, woman, child and grandchild!
4. Beanie Babies - They're coming back. Aren't they?
5. Nazi occult artifacts - Can't the U.S. Treasury just sell off or lease the Ark of the Covenant hidden in their warehouse for a few billion dollars? One can only imagine other fantastical items in that warehouse... Thor's Hammer, the Egyptian Book of the Dead, a +5 Vorpal Blade longsword...
TOLEDO, Ohio (AP, by John Seewer) -- A disastrous investment by the state in rare coins has erupted into both a financial and political scandal, with Ohio's Republicans running for cover and the Democrats seeing great opportunity. At least $10 million is feared missing from a $55 million fund that the Ohio Workers' Compensation Bureau set up in a risky and highly unorthodox foray into the buying and selling of coins. The investment was managed by coin dealer Tom Noe, a prodigious fundraiser who has showered contributions on Republicans in Ohio and beyond. In the past few weeks, a slew of Republicans, including President Bush and Gov. Bob Taft, have moved quickly to distance themselves from Noe by returning more than $100,000 in donations. The Democrats have seized on the scandal, hoping it will enable them to break the GOP's decade-long grip on Ohio state government next year and even help them retake the White House in 2008.
If this is how Republicans plan to fund retirement plans by speculating on commodities, let me suggest other less risky ventures:
1. Comics - But only Golden Age and select Silver Age, like Action Comics #1 Detective Comics #27 and Amazing Fantasy #15. Avoid any comics from the mid 1980s and on. Whole comic stores went under when they started hoarding newly minted Image comics and Superman #75, the "Death of Superman" issue. He was eventually resurrected (turns out he was just in a deep coma). Did anyone think he wouldn't?
2. Stamps - Few people have any interest anymore as far as I can tell. The hardest part of collecting them when I was a kid was trying to position the small sticky adhesives on the backs of them with just enough water. Too much and they just got soaked and pruney. If the government can get its Black Ops hands on the stamp with the plane flying upside down, we'll be able to take care of the trade deficit for the next, oh, 3 hours.
3. Off-Track Betting - If the government had only known that Giacomo, the 50-1 horse, would win the Kentucky Derby, we wouldn't be talking about cutting Social Security Benefits. We'd be talking about writing fat million dollar mansion checks to every man, woman, child and grandchild!
4. Beanie Babies - They're coming back. Aren't they?
5. Nazi occult artifacts - Can't the U.S. Treasury just sell off or lease the Ark of the Covenant hidden in their warehouse for a few billion dollars? One can only imagine other fantastical items in that warehouse... Thor's Hammer, the Egyptian Book of the Dead, a +5 Vorpal Blade longsword...
posted by Alan at 10:21 PM
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